BY THE END OF IT ALL, I WAS JUST HOPING TO FUCKING WAKE UP...
I'M LOSING IT.
OR MAYBE I'VE ALREADY LOST IT.
WHATEVER 'IT' IS.
I CAN'T EVEN BEGIN TO EXPLAIN THE FRUSTRATION THAT IS BOUND TO MY BRAIN, MY HEART, MY MEMORIES.
MY HEART FEELS EMPTY, YET HEAVY ALL AT ONCE.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE POSSIBILITY IS THAT I WILL EVER COME OUT OF THIS DISASTER-STRICKEN STATE THAT I RESIDE IN.
I NO LONGER WANT TO HAVE TO EXPRESS HOW I FEEL TO ANYONE, BECAUSE THEY CAN'T EVEN BEGIN TO FATHOM HOW I FEEL.
AND IT'S NOT EVEN JUST ABOUT MY LOSS, IT'S THE FACT THAT I CAN'T LET GO OF IT.
I JUST WANT TO REACH THE PEAK OF IT ALL AND SCREAM FROM THE FUCKING ROOFTOPS--> "DO YOU FUCKING THINK I WANT THIS?"
THE ANGER, THE JEALOUSY, THE FUCKING BITTERNESS-WHERE THE FUCK DID IT COME FROM AND WHERE DID IT TAKE ME TO?
I FEEL THAT MY SOUL HAS RUN AWAY FROM ME AND EVERY OUNCE OF MY BEING WAS TIED TO IT, LEAVING ME WITH NOTHING.
EVERY GOD-DAMN PIECE OF MYSELF SEEMS TO NO LONGER LEAD THE EXISTENCE I ONCE OWNED.
I DON'T EVEN THINK I HAVE A PART OF IT ANYMORE.
WHEN DID I LOSE SUCH CONTROL?
WHEN I CAN GET THAT ANSWERED, MAYBE I CAN STOP BEING THIS PERSON.
WHOEVER I'VE TURNED INTO, I DON'T FUCKING LIKE HER.
THIS SPLIT SIDE OF ME ISN'T AS STRIKING AS I'D LIKE HER TO BE, AND I HATE SHARING MY MIND, MY PASSIONS AND MY THOUGHTS WITH HER.
ONCE SHE LEAVES, I THINK EVERYONE MAY BREATHE A BIT EASIER.
UNTIL THEN, WE STILL SUFFER.
IF ONLY SHE GAVE ME ANYTHING TO HOLD ON TO...
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